Innate hunger for intimacy rages within
It can’t be satisfied through mere skin to skin
Two can never become one, simply flesh upon flesh
True intimacy comes, when deep calls to deep
I spent many years giving my body away. Upon reflection, I wonder how I was able to do it so readily...so frivolously…so nonchalantly. I suppose, I figured it was the norm… that’s what they did in the films and music videos right? All the cool chicks were doing it…it was a rite of passage… a firm must for a good time girl like me. I suppose it made me feel desired…I was also young and reckless…I was looking for love…and most often than not, I was high as a kite. Yet the encounters would never last. Even my long term relationships, would inevitably become meaningless. So on I would move to the next dude, continuing my insatiable pursuit to know someone intimately and to be fully known in return.
As I journeyed through this insatiable quest for real intimacy, I fleeted between two conflicting mind-sets regarding sex – one, that it was the most intimate and fulfilling way in which one could know another person – so deep… so connected…so meaningful…that surely nothing else could satisfy. And then, in complete contrast I thought you could quite easily have a fling with someone and it mean absolutely nothing…that you could easily walk away from an encounter with a guy and never ever give the exchange a second thought.
On both accounts, I was deeply deceived. For I have now come to understand that, firstly sex isn’t the deepest way to know another. For, to truly be one with another it must fully encompass your spirit, soul and body...not just your physical man. It must be a connection far deeper than mere flesh…it must envelope your entire being…the deepest core of you and it must be a mutual exchange embedded in love…so honouring…so precious…so permanent…so very pure; one that simply cannot be found outside the confines of marriage. Therefore secondly - sex simply cannot be something casual, temporary or meaningless, because with or without consent sex is a mutual exchange of body, soul and spirit, and therefore can never be taken lightly. To engage in it outside of God’s perfect arrangement is a complete violation of yourself, of another person and of God’s beautiful gift of sex to mankind. Yet to have sex God’s way…maaan, its beautiful beyond belief, pleasurable beyond words and intimate to the very core. You see, because true intimacy according to God, is not skin upon skin…flesh upon flesh…it’s deep calling deep.
And that’s what God desires for His kids. Authentic, pure, intimacy within the confines of marriage. Enjoyable, liberating, committed sex without fear, shame, confusion and loneliness . The Bible clearly tells us that “there’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one” (1 Corinthians 6:15-17 MSG). No wonder so many find themselves joining with many, yet connected to none…laying with several, yet lonelier than ever. Because only in a loving, pure marriage is that type of loneliness truly eradicated and real lifelong, spirit deep intimacy cultivated.
But you know God doesn’t want to just limit us to intimacy within marriage. He wants us to first and foremost experience this with Him. He wants us to truly “KNOW” Him like Adam knew Eve (“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain” Genesis 1). The foundation of the term “Knowing” is deeply relational. So when it comes to knowing each other within marriage it obviously means to have sex…but all “knowing” stems from this and although it may not always refer to sex, it still refers to deep heart involving, relational intimacy. This term is further used in the Bible when referring to the act of prayer…communicating with God...through prayer, intimately becoming one with God, and birthing the things of God. Now that might freak you out…which is fine. But it is what it is…He absolutely wants us to live in that place of tender deep calling deep unhindered communion with Him…as the beautiful irresistible Lover of our soul.
Jesus invites us to “know” Him…for all of our days…for us to know eternity through deep relational closeness to Him. (And this is life eternal, that they might know the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. John 17:3). This type of intimacy is the deepest, most fulfilling, all-encompassing sense of belonging…of being known…being loved and accepted, that we can ever experience. It touches the very core of us…it meets our deepest need in our inmost being and every other union pales in comparison to it. But for me what total smashes it…what totally blows my mind…what will forever leave me amazed...is that this crazy, indescribable, incomparable sense of being completely and total at one with another, is with someone I cannot see…cannot touch…cannot lay with…yet I know with every fibre of my being that I have been consumed by Him and have become one with Him. And each time I experience the tangible sense of oneness with Him I am floored…complete ravished…overtaken. It’s simply takes my breath away.
That’s what moves me the most. That, I spent years abusing my body in my pursuit of intimacy…I used my sexuality time and time again…gave every part of me so easily and carelessly I guess, ultimately in order to feel close to someone on the inside. Only to find that it was when I finally determined to preserve my purity, treasure my body, guard my heart…and set my self apart...that I experienced the deepest, most intimate, closest form of intimacy I have ever known. And ironically, there was absolutely NOTHING physical about it…everything about this core level intimacy is deeply relational, affirming and whole. And how very crazy…that it ends up being, not with a guy…but with the Author of love…with God Himself. Wow.
This song "The Knowing" is written and sung by my beautiful friend Lucy Grimble with the lovely Larna Martin dancing.