I experienced such a beautiful God moment a few days ago. In fact in was a glorious God moment after the sweetest God night –12 hours of nonstop worship and prayer at my gaff with a small group of friends and family…complete with a Curry dinner and full American breakfast. God bliss all the way! But the moment I want to share with you came after the bliss. Smiles. It came during my holy come down. See way back in the day as a heathen (during the war), I used to take loads of class A drugs and after the most incredible euphoria would come the most horrific come down - where the following morning I would feel hideous – weak, frail, unable to talk, depressed and suicidal. That's exactly what this felt like. Now I obviously didn’t feel down or depressed after my Jesus jam however my body felt like it was on melt down - which is so rare for me because normally after a hardcore night of righteous raving I am ready to large it for days. But on this occasion I felt so ridiculously pants!
Anyhoo so that same evening I was due to share a testimony of how God birthed the vision of Living in Light, at a fundraiser for a fabulous charity called Switch It, but I just felt too rubbish and literally couldn’t even speak. And so, despite sharing about Jesus being my most favourite thing to do on earth, the delivery of my testimony ended up being about as vibrant as a weather bulletin. As I was sharing I could hear my own words and I wondered what the heck I was on about. And though I saw many nodding heads and smiling faces as I spoke, I most remember the man who sat in the audience yawning away open mouthed absentmindedly observing the ceiling as I clumsily shared my heart.
Part of my contribution for the fundraiser was to also auction off a pair of Bianca Pants to raise funds for Switch It, and I had been advised to plug my auction piece whilst sharing my testimony so that it would help the audience get a feel for the story behind the item. Well people, my attempt at plugging my product was about as successful as England’s World Cup efforts. I basically found myself casually informing everyone that I would be auctioning an item later made by Living in Light and they were now obligated to bid because everyone had heard my testimony. Wow, persuasive marketing or what, right?! And you know normally when you build people up and get the momentum going before you drop the testimony for maximum impact? Yeah well I did none of that – instead I found myself just cutting a long story short and feeling so devoid of energy - I just wasn’t able to encourage people to keep dreaming with God the way I would have wanted to.
So by the time I get off stage I was ready to duck OUT! Haha. I felt like I had made such a mess of things and I was convinced no one had been impacted by the testimony. Yet I felt far too poorly to dwell on it and just went home and slept! So imagine my delight when I awoke to an email early the next morning from the organiser Myra who told me that a Street Pastor paid £200 for my item without ever laying eyes on it – because he was so moved by the testimony!!!! Come ON Jesus!! Wow right? Haha - what seemed like a hot mess in the natural actually had heaven written all over it!
I was so humbled and comforted to be reminded that it’s not about my eloquence, vernacular or dynamic delivery. It’s not about my ability to encourage or my vivacious personality or even about my sensitivity to God. It’s all about Him and His precious, faithful anointing. It’s not by might, or by power but by His Spirit basically!! Therefore we just cannot boast in our own abilities or giftings. We cannot think even for a split second that we are the ones that make things happen nor should we fret that our inadequacies will stop God from moving. We don’t need to be disheartened if we don’t seem to have anything to offer because God can take what we give him however great or lame it is, and do something so very amazing with it. In fact in those places of seemingly little it often gives God far more scope to get the glory than if we used our obvious abilities and talents to do something for God.
It is in these scenarios that I am reminded that it is only by His grace and goodness that I get to ride the waves of victory - not by my own strength or capabilities therefore I had better never get cocky. And it is in these situations that I am so joyfully humbled to be reminded that the One who makes it all happen loves me unconditionally and wants to use me despite my shortcomings. And it is in these precious God moments that I find there is simply no room for my flesh to try and sneak in there and attempt to share God’s glory - because hands down, no doubt about it - only God could have done something so very spectacular. Oh YES - It's 100% undisputable...He is the One who did it...He is the One who gets ALL the props!! Yay! x